Archive for probably TMI

Regional Differences

I knew this move would involve a bit of culture shock. The speed of life is certainly slower here than in Jersey. No one beeps if you don’t move immediately upon the traffic light turning green…in fact, no one moves immediately (why I think most of the traffic exists at rush hour). The accents and my lack of one have us sticking out like a sore thumb. There is such a thing as customer service (everywhere) and baggers (at the grocery store). This state is red politically and Jersey is very blue (despite its current governor who Jerseyans are clearly shocked that he is doing what he promised and they don’t like it, why they voted for him, I am not sure).
I was expecting some culture shock. I was not expecting one of the religious variety. I am not religious. Maybe it’s the hours of forced Catholism from one parent but the other not involved at all. Maybe it’s too much engineering and science. I believe in God (for lack of a better word); I describe myself as areligious, not agnostic or athetist. Whatever it is that makes me feel this way, organized religion is not for me. I find no comfort in it. So much so, when I married Hubby, we had a Jewish ceremony and plan on raising our kid(s) the same. Hubby understands that I’m not interested in the requirements of religion but I do believe everyone should be raised something so that when you grow up, you can decide if it (or some other religion) is for you. And religion does provide some basic morals to follow; all major religions have some basic morals that are the same.
I digress. In my new area, it *is* about religion. “What church do you go to?” is a common getting-to-know-you question. Grocery stores and children’s parks are empty until about 11 or 12 on Sunday mornings when churches let out. You can buy beer in the grocery store but not 2am-12noon Sundays. And there’s only one synagouge in the area.
So how do I answer the question? If I say, “I don’t go.” one of two things happen: 1 – I get the looks that says I’m a heathen or 2 – “You should check out mine! Christ saves!” And sometime both happen. If I answer with “My husband’s Jewish.” or state the synagouge’s name, I am viewed as a curiosity and/or a heathen. I don’t answer that I’m Jewish because it’s not true and I don’t plan on converting. More than you would think, a patient is the one asking and/or trying to spread the word to me, when all I want to do is diagnose pneumonia or diabetes.
I never got any of this in Jersey, except in extreme cases, that even my new neighbors would find extreme. Avoidance of the issue is not an option. I’m going to have to come up with an acceptable answer or two – something quick for work and my patients, something else for potential new friends. I know where I stand; I just need a way to express it that doesn’t make others uncomfortable.
– Areligious


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PMS: Where the f*ck did it come from?!?!

And how do I get rid of it?

Backstory:  I was on hormonal birth control from the time I was 17 up until Hubby and I decided to start trying to have a baby.  That’s a lotta years.  I went on it for my migraines.  Seriously.  I had/have menstrual migraines and the pill helped me time them to be convenient for my life (meaning, weekends, so I could go to school/classes/etc).  And it worked.  (Apparently, it also worked on acne I didn’t know I had/have…bonus side effect that I learned about once I went off the pill.)

So I always knew when “it” was coming.  But “it” wasn’t so bad.  I didn’t have any of the other commonly complained about symptoms and my migraine frequency also lessened, in addition to be timed to my life.  (Except the bastard migraines, the BIG ones…they have no schedule.)  And I would be a little clumsy the day before.

Zoom to now, Doodle is 18 months old.  Pregnancy was an awesome (not sarcastic) hormonal time (really, I’m not being sarcastic) and I haven’t been on the pill since.  About six month ago, I noticed that I was really clumsy the day before, not like stub your toe, but more like drop your keys 14 times on the way to the car and then proceed to back your car into a parked car.  And I would get upset by this.  Really upset.  And then I caught myself thinking that everyone in the world was a douche.  And while this is a common thought, I was applying it to Hubby and Doodle who, while they have douchey moments, are not douches.  And I am feeling like I’m going to cry.  Right now.  All the time.  I AM NOT A CRIER!  (Except to Steel Magnolias and ET, and if you don’t cry at those, you should ask yourself, “where is my soul?” because clearly you sold it to the devil or a mattress salesman.)  And I have moments where I think “Is this depression?  Post-partum depression or regular depression?  I can’t have depression.  Stop thinking the word depression, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”  And the cramps are back, with a vengeance.  So are the migraines.  And the acne.  And I don’t sleep well and when I do, the crazy-ass dreams occur that are so vivid I think they’re real, but a half-dragon person can’t save you from death when you’re an inch away if you suck on the dragon’s horns.  (And it wasn’t a half-dragon, but some weirder beast, but it’s the closest approximation I’m going to get.)

So not only do I emotionally feel like crap, but I physically feel like crap, and thanks to the acne, feel that I look like crap.

I don’t remember any of this, except the cramps…I used to faint in high school all the time because the cramps were so bad…and the migraines…but I can fall back onto pain control…so I lack a foundation of dealing with it…and I shouldn’t be dealing with it for the first time in my 30’s when most girls get it figured out in high school and college.

And then 36-48 hours later, I feel back to my normal self.  Usually about 12 hours after I remember what the fuck is wrong with me and why I feel this way.  I realize it’s not depression (a hazard of being a toxicologist is that I talk to a lot of suicidal people and I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychologist) and I’m not crazy.

And then I think, I’ll do better next month because I’ll remember what this feeling is like.  But next month comes, like a bat out of hell around a blind corner, because where *did* all those days go?  And I’m left doing it all over again.

I need caffeine and a beer and a bath.  And it to be 12 hours from now.

– Sigh-y

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